Do we need to rein in emotions at work?
Organisations constantly holler ‘Park you emotions at the door’, the popular notion being that work is all about reason and logic sans any space for ‘weaker’ emotions. Women especially are negatively stereotyped as emotionally soft and vulnerable due to their natural tendency to express emotions (read: cry).
Working women (and some men too) get emotional for various reasons – due to work overload, pressure, competition, setbacks, mistakes, reprimands, abuse, criticism, frustration, disappointment, troubles, etc. Emotional responses are most common during salary review and appraisal times!
Yet, expressing emotions is considered taboo. But is it really possible to separate emotions from work? Isn’t the emotional component an intrinsic part of who we are, affecting everything from our attitude and reactions to even our decisions? Moreover, emotions are the driving force behind the much-lauded engagement, motivation, inspiration, loyalty and camaraderie in the workforce. It is what leads to quality, innovative work and peak performance.
To cry or not to cry
It is difficult to decree either way whether emotions should be completely banned or given a free rein. Here’s a take from both sides:
For crying out loud: Emotions are not necessarily a bad thing. Though largely unacknowledged, expressing emotions actually gives women an edge in the workplace. Tuning in with empathy, concern and understanding helps them to connect with others and also build trusting and respectful professional relationships. They are quick to key in to emotions and pick up subtle cues (unhappiness, dissatisfaction, worries, etc.) which are primarily lost on their male counterparts. In fact, the increased emphasis on ‘Emotional Intelligence’ categorically accentuates that becoming emotionally attuned to oneself as well as colleagues/managers/clients is a key factor for professional success!
Emotions also show that you care about the job and hold yourself accountable for the same. It begets tenacity and drives one to achieve success. Women will swear that at times a good cry actually perks them up instantly. Moreover, suppressed sadness or unexpressed pain can lead to bigger problems and negatively affect work output, efficiency and even relationships.
Then again, what about the more common ‘male’ expressions like high-fives, backslapping, arguing, swearing, raging and yelling! Aren’t these manifestations of our emotions too? And if these are considered acceptable, why the gender discrimination when it comes to female emotional responses! If you can scream in fury, why is it shameful to dissolve into tears? What’s more, emotions are not always negative – joy, excitement, passion and optimism are also linked to our emotional mindset and affect work capabilities.
Need to keep a grip: Alas, emotions are considered a sign of weakness in the male-dominated workplace. The ‘feminine’ expressions of hugs, tears or even self-deprecation leads to rising eyebrows of disapproval and unfairly tags women as ineffectual at working things out or negotiating independently. All it takes is one waterworks too many to lose credibility and never be taken seriously, forget advancing up the organisational ladder.
As American author Dr. John Gray of the best-selling relationship book ‘Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus’ says, “Women need to be less emotional if they want to be accepted by their male superiors!”
Tears invite not only scorn but also suspicion as people doubt your motives and interpret it as a manipulative scheme to get your way. Being easily pushed to tears is considered unprofessional and can irreversibly harm your reputation; do it too often and you even risk being branded unstable!
Keeping emotions at bay: Expecting female employees (or even male for that matter) to work unemotionally is quite unrealistic. We cannot turn into robots or even consciously switch off emotions completely. Besides, not all emotions are considered disruptive, illogical or taboo in the workplace.
It is decidedly forgivable to be disturbed during times of high stress and understandable when you lose a prized client or a project after loads of hard work.
But this does not mean that women have the license to turn into a sobbing wreck or a blubbering mess at the drop of a hat.
Indulging in over-emotional tirade every other day is also a strict no-no. The sensitivity will be there, but do not let it overwhelm your judgment or subsequent reactions.
Keep a grip on the teary emotions by staying firm and strong in the face of inconsequential slights. Steer clear of situations that you know can set you off – like irritating co-workers or a particularly demanding manager. Do not take things too personally and talk out matters whenever possible. Above all, try to channel your emotions into the work rather than into other people!
Some useful tips: Step back from an emotional situation and take some deep breaths. Walking away also gives you some time to cool down. The sense of perspective will enable you to reflect over the situation for an appropriate response. The restraint and objectivity shifts the focus from the emotions to how things can be improved. In case you are on the brink of an inevitable break down, try to keep it discreet. Make a graceful exit and rush outside or bolt for the toilet. Or shut your office door if alone!
To sum up, the key for working women is to learn to manage emotions productively by choosing their reactions and coping successfully with emotions. Express them comfortably and constructively by exercising due restraint. This balancing act will present an even-tempered outlook that both values and deals with emotions effectively.
As Santrupt Misra, Director HR, Aditya Birla Group reasons, “The important thing is to understand how you can leverage your emotions in a measured manner to address any situation. A display of emotions – if done rationally – is not considered negative.” He signs off with, “We would be robots without our emotions!”
Source: The Hindu,September 12, 2012
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