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Identify self-sabotaging behaviour and avoid it

“My project is my topmost priority. I cannot involve myself in other activities.” These are the words of Ramya, a qualified IT professional. Ramya displayed a block with regard to working as a team and being involved in activities that require extra effort. This behaviour alienated her from the others and left her with hardly any friends. However, Ramya was convinced that she was being a thorough professional in spite of her immense personal issues.
Identify self-sabotaging behaviou and avoid itWhat went wrong with Ramya? She developed self-sabotaging behaviour which psychologists also term as ‘self handicapping’ behaviour. This behaviour forms a protective wall from the outside world and allows the person to avoid failures through assuming an imaginary obstacle on the path, procrastination, and negative beliefs about oneself.
Research indicates that this leads to negative self-esteem where a person is encouraged to make excuses for poor performance. A recent research on ‘self-sabotage and why some people can’t handle success’ was done by Dr. Jason Plaks from the University of Toronto along with Kristin Stecher from the University of Washington. They found that performance goes down when people have a fixed view of their abilities which makes them disoriented and anxious if they are successful.
People like Ramya try to escape by switching jobs frequently as adapting themselves to an environment becomes difficult.
This is because they are convinced that they are right and the world has turned against them! They fear failure and feel safe in their protective cocoon of negative self-esteem.
What are the signs of self-sabotaging behaviour? This behaviour is very subtle and soon becomes a habit leading to a definite pattern before you realise that you are a victim of this behaviour. There is no logical or reasonable explanation for this condition.
The excuses form a pattern and vary from physical ailments to not having enough time to complete the tasks. The mental patterns include not accepting the subconscious truth but substituting it with the pain of the conscious mind which is a strong weapon preventing you from thinking beyond it!
Fear, focussing on things that are not right, drifting with no real purpose, falling or failing relationships are some of the tell tale signs which need to be identified and accepted for taking any step towards overcoming this behaviour.
What can we do to overcome self-sabotaging behaviour? Some simple steps include:
Acceptance: The first step would be identifying and accepting that your behaviour needs to change and that it is ruining you from being the person you could be!
Warning signs: Watch for the warning signs and shift your focus to all the small things that work well for you. Talk to a colleague or mentor to steer you on to the right course.
Set Goals: Convert all your excuses into small short term goals to be achieved one by one. This can be done by making a to-do list or having placards of the goal placed in strategic areas as reminders.
Change thinking: Replace the negative thoughts with positive ones that would motivate you to accomplish your goals. Maintain a journal of all the positive outcomes of each day for motivation.
Fear: Admit and accept failures as they lead you to the path of success. Graciously accept negative feedback to avoid the fear of failure, accepting that it is a learning to achieve mastery.
Relationships: Appreciate the people in your life by looking at the qualities that you value in each relationship. This will motivate you to imbibe the values and also sustain the relationship. Give and take is an important part of any relationship. Create time to acknowledge the other person with all the traits on a regular basis.
Inner enemies: Recognise that the enemies are the thoughts within you and therefore catch yourself each time you blame the big bad world outside.
Professional help: If none of the above steps works, get professional help for assistance in overcoming this problem. This is something that can be easily rectified.
Accepting that you need to change requires a lot of courage. This would motivate you to put in your best effort towards the desired change. It is ultimately in the hands of each individual to tap the inherent talent and potential towards learning and growth to lead a fulfilling and enriching life!

Source: The Hindu,July 18, 2012

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